I've actually been struggling with this concept recently. We seem to be as a whole, a society that thrives on validation. We get promotions at work to validate our job well done and strong work ethic. We require our significant others to recognize that we work so hard to provide for our family, or that we do so much behind the scenes to manage the family dynamic. We're constantly trying to over achieve. We're always doing more and more. We're e striving to do better, be better, and look better. And for what? validation from others?
Why do we really do the things we do? Why do we work hard at our jobs? Is it to get the promotion or have our boss praise us out loud so we feel better about ourselves? Or do we work hard because we truly want to do the best we can knowing that at the end of the day, we can sleep well knowing we gave it our all?
Why do we do things for others? Is it to have people acknowledge our good deed? Or do we do it in the hope that maybe they'll like us more if we do something nice for them? How often do we actually ask ourselves why we even do half of the things we do? Are we subconsciously thinking if we do x, y, and z, we'll get the praise for it and in turn feel good about ourselves? Are we that codependent? Or do we genuinely want to just be nice. Do we want to go out of our way to help someone in need knowing that it's enough just to help someone when you have to ability to help. That alone allows you to know that you did what you could to make someones day that much better or easier and in turn, we should naturally feel good about ourselves knowing we did the best we could.
So When all is said and done, I see it a lot. We vent to our friends and we post on social media. People talking about the good deed they did, or the frustration that is had, based on the audacity someone had to not acknowledge them for it. I have struggled with this myself. I've had those moments where I struggle with the idea that someone didn't agree with me on a certain subject, I could vent to my girlfriends or go to social media and post about it, and there's bound to be a few people that will validate me for my feelings. Or I didn't get the acknowledgment I thought I deserved so if I talk about it, I'm sure someone will tell me I've done well.
But then all of a sudden, I stop. I sit with myself and ask, self, how do YOU feel about this? Do you need validation based on needing to know if you did it right? Or do you need to know that you weren't wrong? Or do you just need someone to pat you on the back and say good job? And it all of a sudden dawns on me. You wake up every day with the intention that, today, you are going to do the best you can. And that will be good enough. You don't need validation. You don't need to know that other people will like you more if you do more. You just do it knowing that you're doing the best you can. Knowing that your heart is in the right place for doing it without needing the validation. Because you just feel good knowing you made someone else's day better. Or knowing that you did the best work you could, even if your boss doesn't recognize it.
So, I sit here writing this, not for the validation. I sit here with the intention that if there is someone out there struggling with needing to know if they're doing a good job or even doing it right, you are. Because at the end of the day, if you go to bed knowing you did the best you could regardless, that should be enough for you. You don't need to hear it from others.
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